I’m a bit too late, I guess, to bid adieu to 2016.
I’ve never been too good at goodbyes and as per usual, I keep evading and dragging because I don’t know how to start.
But like all goodbyes, we are only given so much time before life forces us to turn around, stand our ground, look it in the eye, and just say it.
So here I am. Just saying it.
2016, you were the bipolar year. Or maybe that was me. Either way, it was definitely a year of intense growth. And as all growths go, it was half-bliss and half-misery.
The past year I’ve learned, with excruciating force, that nothing worth it ever comes easy – may it be a job, a passion, or a person you want to love. There’s no such thing as balance.
Everything that is worth it, ultimately, has the capacity to unbalance your life. And you can’t keep it if you won’t let it. So the choice, as always, is yours to make.
This past year felt like waking up and not being able to go back to sleep even though I wanted to. It was the year life caught up with me no matter how much I tried to run from it.
It was the year I’ve learned what I wanted by destroying and recreating myself many times over. It was the year of constant action, and wanting, and longing, and hard work.
It was the year of building walls up and breaking them down, only to rebuild a different version with new ghosts to keep out.
It was the year of realising that the f*cking cliche that says “nothing is constant but change” is a cliche for a reason. Because it felt like all I ever did was change. Sometimes as drastic as ‘this is not what I want anymore’ and sometimes as quickly as overnight.
But some things stay the same and some people do, in fact, stay. Thankfully, the ones I’ve kept are mostly beautiful. I guess there are things that even the ticking of the clock cannot wash away, no matter how way past midnight it became.
So there’s that and here we are now. Another leap around the sun. Another year to find and redefine ourselves. Another year to make new mistakes or remake the old ones until the lessons hit home.
This year though, unlike past years, I just want to be a good person. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get some good back.
Onwards and upwards or sideways, or whatever. Let’s make the most of it.
Cheers to 2017!
From the girl who used to say she’d never leave home, or cut her hair, or fall inlove more than once,