Hello to this small, comforting space I’ve kept and nurtured for about three years. And to the people who took the time to visit.
This would be long, pardon me… but I want to make my last post worth it.
When A Letter to the Universe started, it was hosted by Tumblr and most of my photos were taken by a Huawei Honor smart phone.
I wanted to do something creative, because my job is mostly analytic, so even though I couldn’t pay for an actual website and camera, I still started to ‘blog’.
I wanted to express myself and challenge myself to put my thoughts out there. Plus, I was 22 – trying to figure myself out, a bit lost, a bit empty, a bit confused, a bit lonely. All I had that kept me more human were my adventures and my love of stitching words together. Basically, I was what I would consider at a starting point of trying to ‘find’ myself.
I am 25 now, not exactly the same but in a good way. I know that I have a stronger sense of self. I’m not lonely anymore. No longer empty. Still a bit confused but less confused than before. I also no longer feel like I’m lost. Basically, compared to three years ago, I feel like I had already built myself – or a strong foundation, at least.
I am writing this to say that things have changed and are changing yet again.
A Letter to the Universe used to be a form of therapy for all the times I felt reflective. For the times I tried to make sense of things which, ever since I was a kid, I could only do through writing.
As I spent more days and time on it, I noticed that I needed it less and less. But by then, I already had a following and it was amazing to me because I thought for sure, no one would care.
So, I kept it up, actively putting effort to rekindle my love for it by producing content, improving my presence on social media, and I even transferred from Tumblr to a paid domain host so I could work on my Google rankings.
I tried to work with people and businesses to produce more useful content – something less about me. I no longer felt the need to actually share about my personal highs and lows. And if I did, I would’ve forced myself to do so, because I didn’t like seeing the blog so business-like and generic.
It felt nice. To be told never to stop writing. To be assured that you have helped someone. To have a platform. To see numbers grow.
It was the best to meet new people because of it. To have new experiences. To be invited to places I’ve never been before.
“It’s nice but do I really need it?”, I would think to myself.
I would give myself days-long or months long “detox” from blogging, but I keep finding myself happier away from it. It took me such a long time to admit this though.
I kept trying to rekindle my passion for it too, but the flames always seemed temporary.
It has probably been a year of struggle. Of whether to let go or not. I hate being torn because I’m an extremely decisive person. I like the blacks and whites, and have little tolerance for the grays. These rare moments when I can’t make up my mind bug the hell out of me.
Everytime I say I’d let go, I’d think about my next adventure and how that would be a good content. I’d think about all the hardwork I put in and the growth. Past self would’ve wanted this.
Even as I’m writing this, having fully made the decision to let go, I am thinking “I just got a new camera which would make my photos better, and I’ll have my first snow trip in January – that would’ve been good content.”
But my goal onwards, not just in 2019, is to be more present and more grateful. To live a life that is quieter and of my own. To make room for newer things and try different versions of myself. Obviously, I need space for all of that. I need to drop a few things in order to pick new ones up.
So, I want to say goodbye to this platform and to thank anyone who has ever visited. I hope A Letter to the Universe helped you in a way or even gave you comfort. It, for sure, has given me growth.
This domain is still paid for until August, so it would still be up. But expect my FB page to go inactive. I might keep Instagram as one of the new things I’m taking up is photography, and I would love a channel for that. But who knows?
Like I said, A Letter to the Universe served as a sort of therapy for me. So if I no longer need it, I must be getting well.
Truth is, I am feeling the same feeling I felt when putting up this blog, now that I’m leaving it. That’s how I know I’m making the right decision and that there are exciting things ahead. ♡
Thank you. I hope you keep growing and living your own stories,